Monday, November 22, 2021

God blesses the humble so how do I become humble

I've been studying "waiting on the Lord," which led to my usual rabbit trail towards how to be humble (not pretend to be humble, because I am a pretty confident buoyant person so I want to know the difference) which led to meekness.

A.T. Pierson commented that meekness is a true preference for God's will. Truly desiring to know what does God want in this situation, and truly waiting on Him to discover it - if it is not obvious knowing God as you do - and then having zero struggle to do that instead of what I want to do and would gratify my limited understanding of all the facts.

Dallas Willard said, God will give us humility (Oh thank God, He can give it to me versus me struggling for it) IF - here it comes - we trust Him and wait for Him to act on our behalf, and IF we stop pretending to be what we claim to be and know we are not, and as a result presume some favorable position is ours and push for it or try to override the will of others...

Do you know what was humbling (humility-giving) to me? God speaking to us, or giving us supernatural experiences, does not prove we are right, righteous or make us important. It doesn't even guarantee we heard Him right. "God's purpose is not to merely support us, or make us look or feel secure in our roles, or confirm we are right." Dallas Willard.

We already are important - to Him. Stop trying to be important (preaching to myself) and simply sit in awe that you are important as is. Is God important to you - not what He gives us or does for us, is He important to you as is? Are you in awe and have a little bit of respectful downright sense of fear that the maker of heaven and earth has a purpose for you and it might or might not result in other people thinking you are important?

If so, simply pray, "Lord, what is important to you today, and please give me the humility to desire that above and beyond anything I would have thought is a better use of my time, in the name of Jesus my Savior, amen."

#God, #humble, #brainretrain, #renewingyourmind, #christiancounselingandcoaching, #importance, #righteousness, #meek, #meekinherittheearth, #Godopposestheproud, #dallaswillard, #a.t.pierson, #dr.karenliddell

Sunday, November 14, 2021

How to fall in love even if you are already married

Looking for your marriage? Many relationships die of boredom or neglect because we focus on raising the kids, growing our business or careers, or simply haven't developed any dreams or goals together beyond what's expected: get married, have kids, make money, buy a house, get to retirement. Then what, and what about the many years in between? Wouldn't you love to be in love? One way to get things moving in the right direction is to spend an hour together, or as long as it takes, to dream about your life the way you did when you first fell in love. Only this time, you're going to make it happen! Sharing individual and relationship goals is crucial to keeping a marriage vibrant, according to famous love and marriage expert, Dr. Neil Clark Warren. 

This wonderful marriage satisfaction plan was adapted from a session described by Dr. Warren in his book, Learning to Live With the Love of Your Life, and Loving It! and fits perfectly within my Brain Retrain format for life-changing and neural rewiring habits.

1. Picture your marriage 10 years from now. What is likely to happen? What are the circumstances you will be living in? Will the children be grown? Will grandkids be spending time with you? Will you be retired? Will you have the time and money to travel or develop hobbies separately and together? 

2. Envision where you each would like to see yourself in 10 years, and also where you would like to be within your marriage? Healthy marriages exist within the freedom for each partner to have their individual goals that the other person supports, encourages, and enables, as well as having goals for the marriage together. Write down everything you would like to be doing, achieving, or having accomplished 10 years from now, and how you would like to spend your time together. It is alright if you both don’t share the full vision, but come up with core agreements of the state of your marriage, your finances, your individual and mutual goals. At this point, the “how” is not as important as the freedom to dream and become aware of your desires.

3. Create a chart for the next 10 years, broken down into 6-month increments. Work backward inputting all the steps to each individual and marital goal until you have identified which actions will take you to the next step. Every mountain can be climbed with enough preparation and time and every mountain is climbed one step at a time. When you imagine simply taking the next step, one day at a time, you’ll climb the mountain without even seeming to try. Your mountain dreaming provides the vision and the motivation, the 6-month steps provide the how-to and the momentum.

4. Now, for each 6-month step, list all the obstacles to completing those steps for individual and marital goals. The solution is never for one person to achieve their goals at the expense of the other person having any of their own. Simply wonder about what might hinder your progress at each step. Each year, plan in a retreat for the two of you in which to re-imagine your dream, and add to your plan, and re-engage in all the excitement as you move one year closer to your goals.

5. Devise a plan to deal with each and every obstacle. Some answers will be obvious, others you may brainstorm possibilities until you find a solution, perhaps one that you might not have considered before. It’s important to see potential, and not shoot down one another’s ideas as “impossible.” One important challenge might be discipline. Are these goals you are both committed to, both in helping one another achieve their own dreams as well as moving your marriage toward the life you envision? Sticking to the plan or revising it as need be is vital to getting where you dream of 10 years from now. You will go where you focus your attention, so attend to your plan and keep your excitement for it alive.

6. Now, this is the most important step that will magnify and amplify every atom inside your brain and body to unconsciously move toward your desired results. This builds a biochemical map in your mind of living this life right now. Your brain does not differentiate between physical reality and imagination. If you can be this new life inside your mind and really feel what that outcome is like, your brain accepts it as a reality that it wants to prove is true. Your R.A.S. will begin to filter into your awareness anything that confirms this choice and to filter out information that is not relevant to your inner life. Make it count! Write one page about how it will feel to live this life, and yes, writing it out by hand is key as this activates learning programs in your brain! How will you feel in 10 years when everything you planned out has come to fruition and you are living the life you designed? Make your statements full of excitement, celebration, and hope. Use rich and affirming adjectives to describe your emotions and your life together.

7. Finally, create an overall mission statement for your marriage that you can laminate and carry with you at all times. One couple Dr. Warren worked with created the following:

a. We commit to love each other under every circumstance for the rest of our lives

b. To search after meaning and satisfaction together wherever it may be found

c. To support and encourage each other at every turn of life

d. To love our kids generously and personally and to raise them wisely

e. To be involved in serving others, especially the underprivileged

f. To respond actively and enthusiastically to the love and guidance of God.

What if my spouse has no interest in this activity, says there is nothing wrong with our marriage, or believes their goals and dreams are the only ones that are important? Do this exercise for yourself with everything you dream for yourself and your marriage. Your enthusiasm and attitude changes might be contagious. If nothing else, you will develop hope for your marriage based on what you can control and change and that will result in a more positive experience for both of you. 

Buy the book Brain Retrain: The How-To Renew Your Mind Guide in print or audio.

Follow Dr. Karen Liddell on youtube 

#fallinlove,  #marriage, #brainretrain, #renewingyourmind, #dr.karenliddell, #Dr.NeilClarkWarren, #neuroplasticity, #marriagefails, #relationshipgoals